Day 34

Though I'm not craving food still (which totally wigs me out) and my stomach still isn't rumbling, today I felt I got tired more quickly and just a little bit less energy than before. All I had today was my morning cup of coffee and two iced teas (no ice, no sugar).

The puppeteers group I had hoped to interest in going to Sudan to provide some sense of hope and a few hours of humor and levity to a seemingly hopeless situation -- have not responded to my emails to them. I visited them in the neighboring town where they have their studio where their website said they were having a Work Day open to the community. I joined in with about eight others, putting on the final layers of papier mache on the masks they had designed. It was a very nice work environment and nice to meet the other people also volunteering. It seems from my conversations with the lead puppeteers that they are very reluctant to committing themselves to the idea of going to Sudan. They keep saying they have so many other projects to deal with first. Maybe it's as simple as that we need to get to know each other better. I'll do my best to keep the idea alive.

I was able to finish all the work I set out to do today -- which really amazes me. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to Asheville, about 5 hrs away, to speak at a public forum about a pending bill restructuring cable TV ownership regulations. See how I've become politically liberated?!

He's getting away with murder - Days 29-33

It seemed it was time to notify a few local newspapers about my fasting. Not so I would be in the news, but so the subject of Darfur would be in the local news.

The article that ran was so full of errors it makes me want to run to the local journalism school and say take her diploma away! Five errors, not the least of which was saying thousands are starving, when there are millions. This is why I prefer to just avoid contacting our local media. But how else to get information to people in the community?

The President of Sudan has dug his heels in and continues to defy the international community by saying that he'll provide peacekeeping troops instead of the UN! How ludicrous. But he is getting away with murder. And no one seems able to stop him from decimating his own civilian population.

The doctor quoted in the article on me answered my email today saying I should go to the ER on my final day and ask for blood tests for electrolyte abnormalities. It was very good of him to reply. I will go there on July 5th. This advice provides me with guidance and a sense of security that specialists will be looking after me. He specifically advised I take a battery of blood tests to monitor potassium and phosphorus levels. (Sounds like a soil test in the garden! LOL!)

Days 26-28

I've allowed a few days to go by without posting to allow the events of the weekend settle in, get some perspective.

Sudan's president has been adamant about not wanting to allow UN peacekeepers to replace or add to the African Union force already in Darfur. His protest is buffered with comments claiming UN troops will 'colonialize' Sudan. I guess he figures most people will not know that there already are 10,000 UN troops deployed in Southern Sudan.(!)

I have just spent an hour (2 hrs?) surfing a food site for recipes. It's not so much that I'm hungry. I just miss being away from the kitchen. I will admit that this fast is beginning to gnaw at me.

God Makes His Presence Felt - Day 25

At some point last week it occurred to me what a treat it would be to be able to bring laughter to the camps.

Nice idea, but I'm not a comedian.

From the recesses of my memory came the image of a wonderful group of puppeteers in our area I had seen. They have been working as a group only in the last year or so I think and they are absolutely wonderful -- whimsical and profound at the same time. Why couldn't I arrange to have them tour the Darfurian camps! Sure, it would be a lot of hard work to fundraise, make arrangements and execute, but all of a sudden, that's what I really wanted to do. But I had forgotten the name of the group, had no idea how to find them, etc. That evening I was visiting our local food coop and on my way out I see a yellow flyer stuck to their window. Now, mind you, Weaver Street Market does not allow flyers to be posted on their window--they have a special other place to post things; and, besides, I seldom stop to read flyers. Something made me stop to read it and I froze in my tracks: the Paperhand puppeteers (oh, yes, that was the name!) would perform next day on the store's sprawling lawn. OK, this was a Wow! experience but I didn't want to get too hippy-trippy about it. I took it as a sign that I'm in synch with whatever I'm suppposed to be doing with this fast.

There's more . . .

So I'm at the lawn the next day waiting for the performance to start, I'm sitting on the grass in white pants and I spot a family a few blankets ahead who seem to have extra room on their blanket. So I cautiously approach the Mom and ask if I could possibly share a corner of their blanket. "Absolutely!" she wouldn't even let me finish my sentence. So the show starts and her young child is watching with her and we exchange ooh's and aah's at the amazing puppet creations. Then the father comes to join them too. When the show is over we continue chit-chatting and suddenly he notices my "Save Darfur" button and asks where I got it. I say at the rally in DC in April. He says, "I work there." So I'm puzzled, does he work for the rally, does he work for the organizers? or what? "No, he answers, I work in Darfur."

It should be noted that I did not faint. My jaw, however, needed coaxing to keep from dropping. This was beyond hippy-trippy far out . . . this was God showing me I am to pursue this effort. I don't know if you , the reader, are a believer, but this was truly God in our midst quietly affirming my mission. I have had some amazing encounters with "the other side" but this encounter tops them all. It is one I will cherish for a long, long time to come.

I am psyched. I am really psyched.

15 days to go.

Days 22 - 24

I lasted 5 days without water. By Friday night my brain was parched, my lips were stuck, and I was short tempered. That night I still hadn't heard back from this editor so I thought, "Well, I can't continue on this regime of no juice or water just to please one editor," and downed two glasses of water. A friend informed me the next day that a human cannot go more than 7 days without water, without severe consequences to the body. It's good to know what our limits are. I guess I had to find out the hard way.

I don't know what kind of water supplies are being made available to the refugees in Darfur. How can they fight off dysentery and malaria when they don't even get enough water!

Day 21

I went to my local newspaper office to tell them about my fast. The editor said it is not as compelling to talk about a 'partial' or 'limited' fast (ie, one where I've allowed myself a mini-portion of food once or twice), so I have upped the ante and for the rest of the 40 days this will be a total fast without even water.

I know I have made a major shift in my thinking from one of feeling unable or unworthy to be a participant in the political process, to one where I feel it is important that my elected officials know about this fast. Today I sent out personalized messages to my U.S. Representative and to my two U.S. Senators telling them about my fast. Asking them to continue to be proactive about Darfur, challenging them to be creative about what else they can do, and asking them what else I can do.

I have all their websites bookmarked and will continue to watch what they are doing in D.C. This is a big shift for me.

Day 20

Halfway point.

Somebody asked me today if I had spoken to Dick Gregory yet. I think I'll call him tomorrow. I remember him from my Ali days. I want to know how he's doing with his 40-day fast and if he's been able to focus his mind on the Darfur situation more -- if fasting has helped with that.

Day 19

Went to the supermarket today. Didn't need anything. I just missed going grocery shopping. For someone who enjoys food and cooking food as much as I do, it is especially poignant to be doing this fast. Everything looked more delicious than normal -- that was no surprise. I walked out 30 minutes later with nothing.

Days 17 & 18

I had told my friends this was going to be a 'limited' fast, meaning I might interject a mini portion of food at some time if I needed to every five days. I haven't needed to do that but yesterday I couldn't bring myself to throw out a small portion of lentil salad I had made for Sandy, so I ate it plus a piece of white cheese.

I have found myself crying more often, when I read bad news from Darfur. I just read that malaria has struck the camps. It manifests as dysentery at first.

Day 16

A blow to the fast undercurrent of national sentiment towards aiding Darfuri refugees in any way possible was dealt yesterday in Congress when they voted down a bill that would syphon money away from Egypt and channel half of it to Darfur and the other half to AIDS prevention in Africa. That's $50 million dollars in aid to Darfur that just evaporated! Explanation from one congressman: "We would have been sending the wrong message to Egypt which is struggling to build a democracy." Oy.

Today I not only was able to till my 1000 sq ft vege garden (yes, one day I shall eat ), but also mowed the lawn. It totally exhausted me, but drafts of fresh-squeezed lemon juice in water refreshed me. Also, I had my first soda so far: ginger-ale with lots of lemon juice.

A dear friend called me today and she reminded me to fast AND pray. I was hoping to hear that from folks at my church but I'll take the admonition from wherever I can. So I'm stepping up my prayer time dduring the day.

The one thing I have noticed is occasional slips of memory or just plain old mistakes I would normally not make. I'm driving 10 mph slower than I normally do to make sure the mistakes don't ahppen ono the road.

Day 15

My friend Sandy left without touching any of the foods I had prepared for her. I moved as much as I could to the freezer. Must admit looking longingly at the cheese I had bought from the specialty store. Will it keep in the fridge for another 25 days??

Just for the heck of it I got on the scale -- 10 pounds gone. No apetite still. I daydream about certain foods, but it's non-negotiable. I put all the rice pudding in the freezer, and there was no more room for the last one. I couldn't bear to throw it out and the friend I had invited over for dinner cancelled out...so I ate it. It didn't go over well with the digestive system but was it ever delicious. Every five days I'm allowing some small portion of food. This was the first in 15 days.

Day 14

Photo by Mark Brecke. Exhausted Darfuris in eastern Chad.

Our beautiful suffering Sudanese sisters. Since about 2004 we've been told by news reports that the situation in Daarfur is grim, but right now it looks grimmer than grim. It is the jaws of Hell these 2 million stranded are being asked to face. And it's all because Khartoum has been rolling around in dough from Chinese petroleum companies who are bankrolling the largest new excavations of oil in the world in Sudan's desert, and the oil money is providing the government with funds to hire the mercenaries (janjaweed) and arm them to the teeth. North and South Sudan have been feuding and fighting for 20 years, but it never reached a boiling point like it has now. And the reason it is boiling over now is that China's oil money is enabling the government to buy all the weapons they want.

As I poured out the cat's kibble this morning I realized how good it smelled. I just don't understand though how come I don't feel hunger pangs. I don't even want to have water but I'm forcing myself to "hydrate" as my doctor reminded me. Hydrate. I suddenly felt like he was talking about a parched lawn that needs to be hosed. Isn't 'drink plenty of liquids' the phrase patients hear? Hydrate. OK, I'll pretend I'm a lawn and every hour the sprinkler needs to go off. That was his suggestion, and then the final kiss-off, 'Good luck.' Well, good luck to you too, Doc. He says he has no knowledge of fasting and isn't in a position to advise me. You know what, world, I think we know a lot more about our bodies than they have us to believe.

I allowed myself a quart of vegetable juice tonight and it got me feeling not so much hungry, as reminding me of what food tastes like and I wish I had stuck to water. And I started feeling edgy and deprived. But at least I'm 'hydrated.'

Day 13

A remarkable professor of English at Smith College has taken a loan against his house to continue his independent reporting on developments in Sudan. It has allowed him to be a full time Sudan researcher and analyst for the past seven years. How dedicated is that! He publishes his findings at http://sudanreeves.org/ and is widely published elsewhere.

Another place I visit for Sudan information is http://www.savedarfur.org/news/latestnews

I have nothing but praise for the President's commitment to pressure Sudan; we just need to keep making noises about our concerns so he/they hear that the people expect and demand more....until nothing less than a complete ceasefire is achieved and the people feel safe enough to return to their villages.

I had six grapes today, and on Sandy's urging had juice and a whole cup of warm bean broth/puree. When there is nothing in your digestive tract, it is amazing how fulfilling a warm cup of anything is in there. One cup of warm broth equals at least three cups of cold. No wonder they are wandering around the desert looking for firewood. You would think with all those people there would be no more trees or shrubs left to cut in Darfur.

Day 12

This is Monday's post. A friend I used to work with at the Times came to visit me from New York. We hadn't seen each other for a year. I was anxious that I look and act as normal as possible so she wouldn't be concerned for me. She told me she had something to tell me. I replied I had something to tell her. It turns out she has an esophagus disorder and can hardly swallow food. I told her I can't even eat food. We were quite the odd couple sitting at the restaurant trying to have fun without food. I had a coffee even though I know it's not the greatest thing on a fast; and poor Sandy was trying so hard to swallow her quiche most of which she left on her dish gouged here and there by stabs of the fork and the salad untouched. I didn't have a bad reaction to the caffeine. I feel great.

She did inform me, however, that she sensed I was not all together, that I was acting spacey. So that's an honest outside opinion. She forced me to buy juice and drink it. To be honest, I don't even want water but I do force myself to have at least that.

I keep remembering what that AU leader said about two weeks . If there aren't forceful measures taken to bring Darfur to peace in the next two weeks, their will be disaster like the world has never seen. Everybody wants power. All of us must continue calling and emailing our elected officials to remind them their constituents still care and demand more positive action in Sudan.

Day 11

I had my first solid substance today -- at the communion table. I have told only a few people at church about my 40-day journey. I felt full of energy today with no slumps and this amazed me.

I visited the home of friends who invited me to join them for lunch even though they knew I was fasting. "You mean you can't even have a salad??" she asked. And so it goes.

The head of the African Union forces currently overseeing the situation in Darfur has said that getting that peace agreement signed was "like extracting something from a lion's jaw." When you hear it phrased that way it takes you away from the headlines and gives you a sense of just how prickly and tenuous the situation is. He predicts the peace pact is so fragile that if the pace of outside assistance in the next two weeks isn't significant, there will be peril like the world has never seen.

Day 10

We've gotten word that Catholic Relief workers have just been given permission to enter the camps. This is great news! I had read just two weeks ago that Doctors Without Borders (Medecins sans Frontiere) had decided to pull out of the camps because they were so frustrated by the government's obstacles. So, this is definitely welcome news.

I'm going through the days, and I'm into double digits now, without hunger pangs. I've had a few growls and I've daydreamed about making dishes but no hunger pangs. I attribute this to the fact that I didn't force myself into this, or decide I would do it....it just came about naturally. I heard that the brain produces a certain substance that triggers hunger. Maybe my brain is just not producing that substance.

I had 3 grapes and the juice of one orange. It felt good to freshen up the mouth.

I wonder what it's like to be a poet or an artist and be in a refugee camp. I wonder if the creative urge persists under those kinds of condition.s I fear for them, for their lives. If we really knew in detail what they have been going through we would all run to our elected officials and demand an end to this madness.

Day 9

The people in the refugee camps of Darfur and Chad are being given food rations by the U.N. that provide them 1070 calories a day. The average North American diet is 3400 calories and up. I wonder how many of those calories are actually available to their bodies when they are fighting off dysentery or malaria.

Day 8

Today was not a total bust, but darn near close to it! My body has completely shut down desire for food so I took no coffee in the morning and just water during the day. To my great surprise I had a BM, the first in 7 days and I'm guessing that Miracle Cleanser I took last night had that effect. By 6pm I wanted to smell beans cooking so bad, I made a liquidy dhal with quinoa and onion and pureed it and drank a cup. Really a person needs such minimal food to feel satisfied.

There was quite a brouhaha online about the Op-Ed piece a Texas professor had written to the NYT, referring to the Save Darfur movement as being actually aiding the rebels and calling the people who rally and petition "the green bracelet crowd". Nick Kristof immediately bashed him in his online blog saying this guy doesn't sound like he's even been to Sudan. We'll see what the NYT prints in tomorrow's opinions page.

It was necessary to take 3 time-outs today. I really felt I had no oomph. I guess it had to happen some time. I was able to get desk work done and check on my new cosmos border that I sowed two weeks ago. Did some down 'n' dirty weeding. Also continued the cleaning of the kitchen which is typical aspect of the inside/outside cleansing process according to what I read.

People can leave comments right here on the blog if they want to.

I wondered if I were in one of those camps .... would I ever be able to geet a good night's sleep?? It's such simple things one takes for granted.